Skip to main content

Day 0

It was September 12, 2018, there I laid in the Ultrasound office, just me, on the white paper looking at the ceiling, thinking. I already knew. The next day, my mind was racing with multiple thoughts, remembrance of family, history, past images and friends all flowing in and out. I knelt at church crying, full of tears, asking why is all of this in my head. But something happened the days after and when the biopsy confirmed Cancer, I felt my mind leave my body. I would see and feel something off to the right and my attitude changed, my mind started thinking about solutions. Solutions developed over the weeks into things that I could do to keep my attitude positive and my mind going, even if my body didn’t want to respond. I began writing words and phrases surrounding my name on a blank piece of paper. Words can’t really describe it, perhaps it was my Dad, a 16 year Cancer Fighter acting as Heaven Guardian Angel looking over me, communicating to my mind spiritually in a way that as I human I didn’t understand. Whatever it is, I felt it, it resonates within me. I recently took a mindful meditation class, and as I slowed my breathing and felt grounded to earth, the instructor asked for the mind to look over the body starting with the head moving downwards. I felt my mind surround me, look over me, calm me, I was in tears.

Spiritual Positive Attitude Resonates Within Me

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

3 Sentences

            Sunday, February 07. 2021 - Super Bowl Sunday, I went to the ER for a pain in my right lower abdomen under my rib cage, thinking I might have a pulmonary embolism.  So to check that out, I underwent a CT (scan #1) of my chest and top abdomen and ultrasound (scan #2) to rule out PE or gallbladder.  After a couple of hours, I got the results: no PE and nothing wrong with the gallbladder.  What I got instead was three sentences on a discharge document:     ER Report 02-07-21  Impression "3 Sentences"   Osseous metastatic disease with new T5 vertebral body lesion demonstrating epidural tumor extension. New lung nodules consistent with metastatic disease. Small right pleural effusion. Nodularity along the major fissure.  Findings concerning for malignant effusion , What followed was a TIDAL WAVE of EMOTION - WHAT? - YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.  After several choice cuss w...

All of the Above

    All of the Above - how my cancer grew out of control in a short period of time and how I'm aggressively back in chemo and radiation to regain control.        July 2023, I stated to develop a wheeze in my breathing and then by mid July a cough and on July 18, 2023 I had my routine follow up scans (CT and Bone Scan).   First off, bone scan showed no additional new growth and a stable T4 from previous Feb 2021 cancer, so that was a win.  CT unfortunately showed a new large tumor in right lung with several new tumors growing in between lung sacks.  Left - March 2023 of right lung  Right - July 2023 of right lung     The image on the right is pretty telling as the  new large tumor was at the base of my lung surrounding the wind pipe which was likely causing my symptoms.  There was also a medium plural effusion at the base of my lung.  These together were starting to press the air space of my l...

ONJ

     ONJ  - What is ONJ -  Osteonecrosis of the jaw is a condition where  the jawbone is exposed and not covered by gums..... and that is what I had.  Um ok, what?        So this all started back in the beginning of April of 2022 when I ate some starburst candy and a few days later, started feeling pain in my lower left jaw area.  At first, I went to my family dentist, the normal found some cavities in the area and filled them.  However, the pain still was there, in the same area, but below my left jaw, a dull pain.  So I went again for a checkup and dentist said well you might need a root canal (in which they didn't do... but dentists in the 90s used to.... whatever).  That lead me to another dentist who did root canals and they took an pano image of my jaw, in which I commented, "I am a Stage 4 Cancer patient, how does that work with what your are doing" and I got a deer in the headlights look from th...