My first Cancer Retreat - Reel Recovery, kicked off this past October 2021 at the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains along the Rose River in VA. I joined other Men living with cancer to learn the healing powers of fly fishing along with honest discussions from the cancer struggles, learning and gains. In fact, Reel Recovery was founded in 2003 from a group of fishing buddies in which one of them passed away from cancer, he scribbled on the dusty truck one day "Be Well, Fish On." Obviously this connected with me since my motto is HammerOn, that you need to keeping going, that life goes on.
The drive down was awesome, with each mile driven the bustling of the city grew smaller, the roads curved around bends full of trees, the leaves turned yellow and the air was crisp, a perfect fall day. As I checked into the lodge, I was struck by one of those Dad moments again (I spoke about this in my Radiation 33 blog post.) He was sitting right in front of me, talking with the staff just as my Dad would do with his brothers, sitting around the table just catching up. He looked just like my Dad from the back, same posture, hair and round shoulders. I said "You look like my Dad" but the conversation was small. In fact, my Dad was a fisherman and I’m sure he would have participated in this event, he was there to enjoy too. More on talking with Gary later... I was asked to sign a consent form to for pictures and the like, standard procedure, but my host said, you know for the NBC Today Show.... but they were cracking jokes, and I thought they are just kidding.
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| Retreat Location |
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| Gary sitting in chair - looks like my Dad |
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| Selfie - View from the Lodge |
Soon it was time to meet the other 13 Men living with Cancer from the VA region. We had some great ice breaker questions, one of my favorites was your first car growing up. My Dad owned his own used car dealership growing up, "George Parker's Falls Church Motors" and he had saved me a 1968 Ford Thunderbird V8 429 HP 2-door coupe for me to drive. The car was like a boat, but fast, one night my high school buddies Craig and Matt buried the speed odometer at 130 mph.... I was surprisingly near other people’s car years, just not born in the same year, LOL. Yes, I was one of the younger guys, but we all know cancer does not discriminate. It soon came time to tell my story. I had told my story many of times since 2018, but what I had noticed was that I hadn’t told my story to a group of all men, as most of my support groups are all women. Telling your story is never easy, I found myself crying at times, still shaken up from my journey but ending with how I created HammerOn and used it to rally around. It was an incredible time listening to each of our stories that evening and how impactful each one of them were. After dinner we were asked, what have you lost from cancer? Yeah, really big question, for me personally, it's the future losses - not being there in the future for my kids and family, missing out on those moments and how do I make the time now important and leave them notes, memories that they can have in the the future - this is called Legacy Work and it's difficult to deal with, but I got some great tips from others that were dealing with this. Wrapping up the evening, I left with warmth from the conversations, that I could feel a brotherhood connection forming.
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| Selfie - Sunrise over the blue ridge |
Time to get up for the sunrise - you know me the photographer. It was in the 30s and cold, crisp air the noise of the river and twigs breaking in the woods. The sun's rays rising over the mountain was calming, changing the tones of the sky - today would be a big day! At morning meeting we spoke again - what have we gained from cancer? Where do I start - I have gained so much, I have built a foundation of dealing with stress through meditation, support groups and have dealt with a life changing diagnosis at early age and have taken something negative and turned it into positive. I have learned that small changes and have a large impact, that you need to be kind to yourself and to share your story. I have used cancer to propel my life, to HammerOn. Cancer is something that I deal with but does not define me and that putting in the work allows you to HammerOn! Again, I was amazed by everyones stories, each one having an impact. We spoke as a group about the itinerary for the day breakfast, fishing buddies, on the water, lunch, discussion, more fishing and more connections... and the NBC Today Show was down at the river and was going to be filming us today. At this moment I thought they were kidding, but it was true and I thought does this make it even more of memorable experience - that they would capture this and I could have this as part of my legacy - yeah this would be awesome. They asked everyone if you want to be interviewed let us know and I volunteered - I am a Man living with breast cancer and I have one hell of a story to tell the world, if I can help one person it is all worth it.
We randomly paired up with a Fishing Buddy, my guy was Mitch, and we hit if off from the start. We drove down to the river, trading stories and how we got here. As we drove down, sure enough there was NBC, camera equipment, drones all sorts of stuff - I had told Mitch that I had volunteered to be interviewed. Before we got onto the river, we gathered around for the ceremonial Vest Signing. This was very moving. Stan, the CEO of Reel Recovery stood before us, "3700 men all with cancers have come before us, through this program, and each of them have signed your vests, some are no longer with us some are still striving." I too signed my vest knowing that one day someone will read my signature and learn about my story - HammerOn (it's on one of the of the XXL vests on front inside flap). We signed, and put on the vests - instantly feeling the presence and the courage of those before us, and could only feel that we were now fully connected together.
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| Vest Signing (I'm the 4th man w/blue & white jacket) |
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| My Signature - Hammer On! |
We geared up waiters, fly rods and our vests and headed out to the River. Mitch was going to teach me the skill of fly fishing from soup to nuts. We found a river pool, and walked right into the river - this was awesome, just walking right in - the river was cold and slippery. As Mitch and I started, NBC calls over we need to mic you up, so I had to walk back over to the bank, soon Mitch was saying you put that tripod in the river you are going to spook all the fish - the tripod went into the water - anything for the shot right, LOL. I was soon learning how to cast and then was interviewed right in the river. Mitch stood back and took this picture, it became the only picture I have from the interview. Mitch too listened to my story for the first time. Again, I told my story to NBC, crying a times from my journey, echoing that I had put in the work to get to this point, and that I felt the presence of my brothers through this river, through the vests and how I was thinking of them in this moment and not cancer as I fly fished. I spoke about the creation of HammerOn and how this all was really moving to just be telling my story, I hope the world is listening. While mic'd up and trying to overhead cast, Mitch says Matt put it out there, Mitch I can't, he had thought something was wrong - I replied I have a drone overtop, if I cast, I will take out the drone, we both chuckled hard, I hope someone laughed to listening to the audio.
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| I am over by the trees getting mic'd up |
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| Interview with NBC 3rd Hour - knee deep in the river |
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| Learning How to Overhead Case Me (left) w/Fishing Buddy Mitch (right) |
By lunch, I hadn't captured a fish in the net, expect for the one that broke the line, I guess the camera tripod really did spook the fish. During lunch we had another candid conversation about how we felt on the water, did we think about cancer? For me personally, I focused on learning, catching fish and just enjoying the moment, enjoying the discovery of fly fishing. I also spoke to Stan, he had said of all the 3700 men before, me I was only the 4th with male breast cancer (that works out to 0.0010 %) and we have a great conversation on how this retreat was already impacting my life.
Post lunch, Mitch and I set out further down the river, walking through all sorts of stuff souring over rocks, fishing in faster water, some as high up to my chest, fetching lines out of trees before we settled down in a spot near the shadows of a large tree. We tied on the Prince Nymph and had a hit, small to start and then bigger, all afternoon - we caught 9 beautiful color rainbow trout. Mitch was great, we told stories practiced new casts from overhead, backhand, roll, side arm, drift and I developed mine into a reach cast. It was just us and nothing around, the clear water, the sun coming through the trees - we were both healing through nature. just a beautiful moment.
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| The water was so clear |
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| Fish in the Net - Mitch showing me how to hold them |
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Holding my catch - look a vest, can see other men who have signed
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Before dinner, I ran into Gary at the lodge - I wanted to share with him how he reminded me of my Dad, I started off with saying this past February, I knew I would beat my dad in lifetime radiations at 33 (I started crying) and how this person at Hopkins looked like my Dad and showed him the picture, Gary said yeah this guy looks just like me. I told him this person was a good omen, and then when I saw Gary at check in it reminded me of my Dad again and I how I felt the presence of my Dad in big moments.
That night at dinner we all traded stories of fly fishing, how each of us felt and of course not tell where our fishing holes were, LOL. Cancer was just background noise. It is all something we deal with, all that is part of us, and but not something that does not defines us. A well rested sleep, it was a long day, both emotional and beautiful at the same time. By morning, it was time our group chat and we were asked what our support looked like. Personally I spoke about those people outside of your family who don't know your daily struggles, but take the time to listen. Jacque, an Oncology Social Worker spoke to me since the chemo days, she has made such an impact in my cancer journey, I have notes saved called "Jacque talks" from working with acceptance and staying present, providing space to think and reflect on things, living in the moment and not waiting for life, being proud, putting in the work and doing what I want to do. She listened, gave me tools and I have carried that on with me with and now teaching that to others. I spoke about my neighbor, Milt who drove me to allot of chemo infusion appointments and sat with me inside the room, he was there for me and still is.
After breakfast, it was back on the water for more fishing, but the time was winding down. Mitch and I had tried our honey whole, but no bites, we found other locations catching another 5 or so fish, each one more beautiful than the other. I had my reach cast down, letting it drift through the fast water. As we were finishing up, walking back, we said let's try our honey hole one more time, 5 casts tops. I got in the water, backhand cast and got a big ole fish on the line, the biggest one of the day for sure. A very nice ending to the day fly fishing.
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| Last Rainbow Trout of the Day, big ole fish |
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| Mitch and I at the honey hole - life in the moment |
We packed up the gear and headed up for lunch and met as a group one more time. This experience is Reel Recovery - and through the honest conversations, the connections, fly fishing, you come away with lasting friendships and an experience gained from cancer - that life does not end with a cancer diagnosis, that life goes on, it can be rewarding, that you can learn from cancer.
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| Together - Be Well, Fish On |
As we said our goodbyes, and talked about connecting again, I handed out some HammerOn Cancer Hats.... Gary came up and said I connected with your story, hope it was a good omen as it was for me, and gave me a giant hug. The hug felt like my Dad and that meant allot to me as my Dad died of cancer and did not know of my disease, it was great. I felt my Dad's presence through Gary for sure.
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| Gary and I |
In conclusion, the
NBC Today Show 3rd Hour aired our segment on Monday, November 15, 2021 around 9.20am EST. The segment was on Brotherhood for men sharing a common bond through cancer and the healing benefits of Reel Recovery. Below are some screen grabs, all of these men touched my soul.
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| Mitch and I living in the Moment |
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| Me (above) in 2018-2019 and Me (below) in 2021 - Don't wait to do something, live in the Moment |
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Reel Recovery - Syria, VA October 2021
Together - Be Well, Fish On |
Donate to Reel Recovery - I hope you enjoyed reading my post, please consider making a donation, volunteering because of your support men like me can graduate with courage from this program.
- Matthew Parker Male Breast Cancer Survivor 2019 / Stage 4 Male Breast Cancer 2021
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